50/50

Vance Larson
3 min readNov 13, 2023

I get asked quite frequently, when is it time to leave a relationship? And the answer is, are your better together or better apart? Other than the obvious answer of abuse, it really depends on your state of happiness in the relationship. Let’s get into it…

50/50. That is what it boils down to for me. If you’re unhappy in your relationship 50% of the time, I personally would cut bait and run. Just to be clear, all relationships will have some down times. But the question is, are you down for days, weeks or months? If you’re in a relationship and you’ve been together for a year, and 6 months of it has been a struggle, you may want to ask yourself if this is heading in the direction that you want. If you’ve been together for 10 years and the last 2 have been touch and go, there is a foundation that has already been set. In other words, was the last 10 better than 50/50? You’ve got some history to draw from.

Staying in a relationship that is both unsupportive and unhealthy is killing your spirit. I have never been a big fan of staying out of convenience, or sticking with the devil you know. I am all about growth. And while growth looks different for many, it does speak to the fact that one is open. It’s the close mindedness that sucks the soul out of a relationship. The arguing, needing to be right and the not so subtle power plays. You deserve better.

Staying in an unhealthy relationship is just creating trauma. Staying in an unhealthy relationship with children, is just passing down trauma. If you can’t level up for yourself, do it for them. I know they deserve better. So when is the right time to leave? Unfortunately, only you can answer that. But if you have thoughts of leaving on a regular {even a semi regular} basis, it may be time. But the reality is that it is not mine, your family or friends decision. That’s a conversation between you and the fear that you are feeling.

I am a firm believer that most relationships can be saved. We just need to talk to each other. Reinvest in each other. A little work, goes a long way. However, it is the unwillingness to do the work, that suggests that maybe it’s time to move on. So, if you’re on the fence, ask yourself these things; Are you willing to do the work? Are they willing to do the work? Can you both be respectful, while you are figuring out a love language that say’s we’ll figure it out? Pretty basic, huh? Don’t over complicate things. If you’re asking for respect, my guess is, it is pretty much over. Most everything else deserves a try.

Long story short. 50/50 doesn’t sound too bad. But imagine looking back on your life and saying in that 30 year relationship, only 15 years were good. Kind puts things in perspective, doesn’t it? Whatever you decide, please do not settle. Remember that the way you love yourself, is the way others will love you. So love you. I rooting for you.

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Vance Larson

I am a retired crisis counselor of 20 years. I share my experiences {both personal and professional} about thought provoking subjects. Follow me.