Coming In Hot

Vance Larson
2 min readNov 22, 2023

You got to let some shit slide. If you’re in a long term committed relationship, it helps not to take everything so personal. And if you’re not in a long term relationship, I would suggest you opt for laid back. For if you’re walking on eggshells, you will never truly feel safe or comfortable.

Yesterday was one of those days that I would like to forget. Nothing too terribly bad, just 1000 people with a 1000 problems. But Vance, didn’t you sign up to help people with problems? Okay, let me rephrase. 1000 people trying to disrespect me, and screaming at me. It’s all good, as I did sign up for this. But it doesn’t happen often when, everyone wants to fight. C’est la vie…

Despite handling it like the fucking Rock Star that I am, some of that negative energy did seep in. The result, by the time I got home, I came in hot. Wife and I had plans to do a little shopping and per usual, grab a cup of coffee and sit by the water. And we did. But I was off. I wasn’t rude or overbearing. Maybe a little short. The saving grace? My wife is almost every bit as laid back as I am. It could have been a bad night. But she was easy as a Sunday morning.

Master your storm, so others will model it. We both have mastered it. We both let shit slide. We understand that when the other comes in hot, it is not about each other. Therefore, it’s not personal. We are so good at communicating on a daily basis, that there is never really any reason to defuse. We may give each other some space, but we understand that not all days are going to be good.

Laid back energy is medicine for your soul. If you’ve done the work and communicated properly, coming in hot is nothing more than a chance to allow your spouse to say “I got you”. So let them get you. Hot or not, the rule in our house is we love on all days. Not just when it’s sunshine in rainbows.

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Vance Larson

I am a retired crisis counselor of 20 years. I share my experiences {both personal and professional} about thought provoking subjects. Follow me.