Earn

Vance Larson
2 min readSep 10, 2023

So many are talking about self care. The importance of eating healthy, exercise and managing alcohol consumption. We also talk about stress management. But what does that look like? It’s a common theme that people talk to me about. It’s usually in some form of a trip to the beach or staying in for the weekend. Both prove to be effective. But when it comes to self care, I like to think in terms of earn.

Some people are just not good for our mental health. And because we shared time in the past with them, we allow them to continue to have access. I decided long ago that you’ve got to earn your spot in my life. I don’t say that out of arrogance. I just know that continued access to me when you’re not bringing love and stability, I’ll start to resent you. And nothing disturbs peace like resentment. So I cut the cord.

I’m not better than those I cut out of my life, I just lean into peace. And I’m not talking about my inner circle who is going though a difficult time. I am talking about those without awareness of reciprocal effort. Takers take, and givers, give. It’s okay to thread the needle of give and take. And the way you do that is by being honest with yourself. And trust me, sometimes that is a hard conversation to have. But the end result is a quiet confidence and personal statement about self care.

Be kind in your detachment. Not only to the people that you want to let go, but to the version of yourself that allowed you to live in a deficit. Some won’t get it. But in reality not only do they get it, they know they have to step up their efforts to stay in your life. And that conversation and the period of time that follows, will tell you if this person has placed value on you.

Make this a season that you no longer have to learn…the hard way. Make them earn. Do it with kindness. Earn is every bit as important as eating well and exercising. For when we talk about health, our mental health needs to be included in that conversation. It will feel uncomfortable at first. But soon you body {and mind} will respond with a relaxation that you’ve never known. And guess what? You’ve earned it.

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Vance Larson

I am a retired crisis counselor of 20 years. I share my experiences {both personal and professional} about thought provoking subjects. Follow me.