End Game

Sure they have a pretty face and they rock your world in bed, but…

That is usually how I start the conversation with a client who is having dating issues. I think both men and women are equally guilty of this. We like to say that looks don’t matter, but on some level, they always do. And there is nothing wrong with that. The problem that many find, is that looks get you through the door, but they often don’t keep our attention. So I ask. What is the end game?

Are you dating just because you’re looking to meet some temporary needs? Or, are you truly looking for a life partner? For me, during my 20’s and early 30’s, it was all about temporary needs. If someone happened to come along that I could see a long term vision with, I had no problem taking the next step. But here’s the problem. I was the Vance of temporary needs, and not the best version of myself. Which meant, I was attracting people that were doing the same thing. And it’s not that Vance of temporary needs was a bad dude. He was generous and kind, but he wouldn’t go to those deep places with another. Nor would he let them go deep on him. {Get your mind out of the gutter.}

In my late 30’s, I started to realize that I was looking for the end game. That meant that I had to change. So I stopped dating. I stopped dating for about 8 months and learned all about me. I wanted to be able to attract a woman that could mirror the best version of me. The gamble paid off. I have a 20 year marriage with a woman that demands the best from herself. That caused me, to be attracted to her.

So you’re going to have to ask yourself, what is your end game? Netflix and chill? Or, a long term committed partner? Both serve a purpose. Just be honest about where you are in your life. Then be honest with the people that you are talking to. Don’t tell them that you are the end game, when in reality your end game is to call them an Uber in the morning. That’s fucked up.

End game. Where are you at?



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Vance Larson

I am a retired crisis counselor of 20 years, and have spent the last decade working as both a Life Coach and Hypnotherapist.