Hold The Door

Well it happened again. I was planning on writing about something completely different this week, but then a last minute substitution takes its place. It was one of the little things that caught my attention, but after brief reflection, I thought I should put pen to paper…so to speak. So hold the door…

My wife and I were buying groceries yesterday, when I saw a women with hands full trying to open the front door. I quickly ran over to her and held it open. I didn’t think much about it. Then the cashier said, “ My boyfriend opens the door for me. You prove that there are still real men in the world”. To which I replied, “We’ve been married 20 years, and I still open the car door for my wife”. Here’s the thing. After thinking about it, I think it’s sad that we abandon the little things when in a relationship. It’s not about real men {or woman}, it’s about real respect. You know that slump that a relationship goes into after a few months or years. Yeah, that’s on you.

I know men that that treat their old car, better than they treat their old lady. {Politically incorrect I know, but it flows well. So get over it.} On the flip side of that coin, I know women that treat their friends better than they treat their man. Hey, if it works for them, more power to them. But in my practice, I see countless examples of relationships that play the chicken and the egg game. He’s say’s. “I watch Sports Center all night because she is no fun”. She in turn says, “I am no fun, because he watches Sports Center all night.” How do we go from being in love, to not having a civil conservation?

You know what 20 years of marriage has taught me? That I want 20 more. {Actually lifetimes more.} And I know that I don’t deserve 20, if I’m not showing up…everyday. It’s not a fear thing. It’s a respect thing. From the hundreds of little things that both my wife and I do for each other on a daily basis…to the little rituals, the compliments, and the non stop kisses. Why? Because love and respect are not synonymous. I truly do love everybody. I think it’s the human thing to do. However, there are plenty of people that I have zero respect for.

When it comes to relationships, hold the door. Because in my 36 years working in mental health, I have seen lots of relationships that hold love. But the respect, is almost non existent. Respect can be shown in a million different ways. And every one of them say I value you. So do yourself and your relationships a favor. Show a little respect. And you can start by holding the door.



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Vance Larson

I am a retired crisis counselor of 20 years, and have spent the last decade working as both a Life Coach and Hypnotherapist.