Next, Nothing

Wife was chilling at home today, so I went out for coffee and a little Zen time. We were out a good part of the day yesterday, and we’ll be doing that again next weekend. And then two weeks after that, we are heading to WV, for a little mountain get away. Life has slowed down to a snails pace. And that has been on my mind for the past month or so.

Drinking my coffee at the water this morning, I was in a meditative state. I was thinking about this snails pace. I then asked myself, “What’s next?” And immediately I heard the word nothing. There it is. The next chapter of my life is called nothing. I have always kept myself busy, often working multiple jobs and projects simultaneously. And then COVID hit. I knew that was going to be a game changer. People are not built for long term isolation. So I increased my private practice hours. And holy shit, I ended up working 18 hour days for 3 years. I was working 7 days a week, and the only brake I took was a 3 day weekend with my wife. Just to replenish and have some sense of normalcy. But I digress.

Over the past 18 months or so, I started to cut my practice down. I did however increase my hours and effort for my newly formed Rapid Response Team. But my hours went from the entire day, to about 60 hours a week. Here lately, I am putting in maybe 45–50. And that was kind of messing with my mind. I will be 60 next year. When we lost everything years ago, it was rebuilding time. So, I was hyper focused on two things. First, making sure that I was available for all those having a hard time dealing with COVID, and preparing for retirement. But lately, I’m adrift. I am still focused on my clients, but I am not lining up the next project or seeking new contracts.

So I am in this meditative state. What’s next? Not a mother fucking thing. And I am finally cool with that. I truly believe that I have done some long term damage as a result of working 18 hour days for a little more than 3 years. Yes, I helped a lot of people. And yes, I made a boat load of money. And truth be told, I would do it again, if there was a need for my services to ensure that people were getting the help that they need.

But as for today, I already live in a sleepy little beach town. I make a decent buck, and I’m married to the coolest chick on the planet. I deserve a break. A guilt free break. I don’t know how long I will immerse myself in this “nothing”. Maybe another week, maybe a year. All I know is that today, it is all about connection, pouring into myself. So should you see me on the beach or call while I am taking a nap, you’re going to get the same reply. I love you. But you have to go. I am busy.

What about you. Are you pouring into yourself? Tomorrow when I get out of bed, the only thing on my schedule will be nothing. And after that? The next nothing.