Serial Dater

So I wrote a piece a few days ago and posted it on FaceBook. It was just a little something that I wrote for my wife, as I often do. And I had quite a few people message me, saying that it inspired them to be more engaged in their relationship. It was a short piece, and I called it Husband And Wife Shit. This is what I wrote-

“Husband and wife shit. Yeah, we do it. But after 20 years, the majority of our time is spent holding hands and kissing. Talking and exploring places. Coffee dates, watching movies and eating pizza.

We listen to learn. So when people ask me what’s our secret? I say, “Yes we do the husband and wife shit. But we spend more time dating, than we do being married.” And if you just met us, you would probably think that we were dating. That’s why we work. Because we never stopped doing all the things that we did when we first met. Both my reason and my reward. My forever girlfriend. My eternal wife.”

We have been together about 20 years. And we are in fact, serial daters. What’s funny about that, is our dating keeps us really connected. While we tend to all the mundane things in life like, bills, car repairs, medical appointments and so on, we build our relationship around our dates. We travel every month, and go out at least once a week, even if it is just to get coffee and look at the water. That keeps us connected. Not all the bullshit that binds us together. It’s the dates.

About 10 years ago, we decided to take separate bedrooms. Wife has had many major surgeries, including 2 neck, 2 back and hip…along with some minor ones. So sleeping in the same bed became a challenge. People often question how we can be close not sleeping in the same bed? Don’t get me wrong. Prior to her surgeries, we were very physical. Like two co workers who have been crushing for years on each other, who finally hooked up at the Christmas party. The first 10 years was intense. Without drawing you a picture, we were all over each other everyday. But we had to shift, due to her physical limitations. And that’s why dating is so important. We never skipped a beat. And we never stopped chasing each other.

I think where many get hung up, is that they stop the chase. And when the chase stops, often times the appreciation does as well. And that’s sad. Because now that I got my wife, I feel as I though I want to work twice as hard to keep her. Not because out of fear of losing her. But, because she is important. So don’t be a dater hater. Be a serial dater. Because one vacation a year, ain’t going to cut it. When you stop having fun, the mundane marriage stuff will sour you. Go on a date tonight.



Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Vance Larson

Vance Larson

I am a retired crisis counselor of 20 years, and have spent the last decade working as both a Life Coach and Hypnotherapist.