Spots

Vance Larson
2 min readMay 19, 2020

I have written about this many times before. And since I am seeing more and more clients coming to me with this problem, I’ll write a quick piece about it again. Yes, leopards can’t change there spots. But you’re not a leopard. So the men and women who have cheated, can.

We’ve all heard the term “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” But in reality, that is not true. It is entirely possible to overcome an infidelity. It’s certainly not going to be easy, but it can be done. In fact, some couples actually report an intimacy that they never felt before. Why? Because there is a level of transparency {if both are fully invested in saving the relationship}, that both have committed to. In order to move forward and build trust again, you must be willing to have the tough conversations.

Many infidelities occur when the couple stops communicating with each other. When this happens, sometimes people look for someone else to listen to them. And many times, it starts out completly innocent. But what happens is intimacy builds. That same intimacy that they once shared with their spouse. While some people cheat out of pure physical attraction, more often than not, they cheat for connectedness. I read an article just the other day that states, the number one reason why men cheat is because they desire an ego boast. The point is, we {all} desire connection. And it is hard to maintain a connection if we aren’t communicating.

How many things did you used to do that you don’t do now? Quite a few I bet. Some good, some bad. You don’t do them now because you out grew them, they no longer hold your interest, or they simply don’t serve you. Poeple change. Sometimes for the good and sometimes for the bad. And while leopards can’t change their spots, you are not a leopard. So don’t buy into that bullshit. If you want to change, be honest. Because honesty breeds intimacy. And intimacy breeds monogamy. Total trust, total vulnerability that you will never develop having multiple relationships.

So don’t sweat it. You may have spots now. But you’re not a leopard. And you’re only stuck with them if you want to be.

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Vance Larson

I am a retired crisis counselor of 20 years. I share my experiences {both personal and professional} about thought provoking subjects. Follow me.