Story Sides 3

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned over a 4 decade career in mental health was, there are 3 sides to every story. It is easy to listen to someone complain about another. It is harder to listen to both. And it is hardest to truly establish the truth. Let’s get into it…

When I used to work with couples, it was really challenging. Both came with their version of the truth. But the truth is, there was his truth, her truth, and the truth. Each dealing with what they felt to be true. If one version didn’t add up, if it was real to them, there was no changing their mind. My job wasn’t to decide who was right, but to find what was right. Both could be wrong {or right} simultaneously, but not acting with healthy intentions. So what is the answer?

Believe what you feel. Not what you hear. Be it a love, work, family, or friend relationship. People often look past what is right, because they need to be right. And this is where the damage takes place. Suspend your ego for a minute. Would you rather be right, and still not make any progress? Or would you rather peace? I’ll take peace any day.

I always tell people not to deny their truth, but be open to the realm of possibilities. In other words, two people can be right at the same time, and still be miles apart with their viewpoints. Just because you acknowledge that they may be right, that doesn’t take away from the fact that you may be right as well. So let’s put a final word on this.

You can be right, and later figure out that you were wrong. We grow. We change. We evolve. That is why it is so important to suspend judgement during conflict. And if you can’t manage that, at least be respectful. And those stories that find their way to you, that have nothing to do with you… Well, remember that all stories have 3 sides.

So believe what you feel. Not what you hear. And in cases such as these, ask yourself why they brought it to your attention in the first place?