I was driving the other day, listening to talk radio. At one point during the segment, they started talking about side chicks. They went on to say that side chicks are the new witches, and should be treated as such. Which got me thinking, why? Why be mad at the women who your husband/boyfriend is seeing on the side? While I’ll agree it’s not a cool thing to do, I think the person you should be upset with is your partner, and possibly yourself. Let’s jump in…
Shooters shoot. Both men and women step out. The argument is that one person cannot meet all of your needs. I think that is true for some people, however for others, one person is enough. But setting that aside, when your partner steps out, why go after the person they stepped out with? They don’t owe you anything. They have not emotionally invested in you. That misplaced anger that you carry, should be addressed with your partner. And if this is a pattern where they have stepped out several times, you may want to take a good look at yourself and ask “Why am I allowing this person to keep disrespecting me?”
The side chick/dude is rarely the problem. If your partner truly valued you, they would not subject you to the infidelity. Relationships can survive an affair. But multiple affairs, it is increasing unlikely. I think at some point, we need to take responsibility in our choices. Look, if someone is serving disrespect at your table, that doesn’t mean you need to eat it. It is better to leave the table a little hungry, than to stay and feast on lies. And please don’t stay for the kids. Kids won’t quiet the storm, only intimacy will. And how intimate can you be, if your significant other is giving half their energy to another?
Side chicks are not the new witch. Stop blaming everyone else. We are not powerless in our actions. We are powerless in our inaction. Get up from the table. You have choices to make. And the biggest one is do I deserve half a relationship? If you and your partner have an open relationship, then by all means, rock it out. But, if one of you is operating with a different set of rules than the other, they just may be the witch. Because they are casting a spell of deceit and lies. And that doesn’t necessarily make them a bad person. But if you truly honor yourself, you should realize that they are bad for you.