The One That Got Away

The wife and I were talking the other day. She asked me what I would do, if the one that got away reached out to me. Without hesitation, I told her that it wouldn’t work. First, although I dated many amazing women, if they were the one, I would have never let them go. Secondly, I am not the man that I once was. Sure, I was fucking awesome then. {Come on, that’s funny.} But I am not even remotely close to resembling that man anymore. Thirdly, I don’t think there is a force in this world, or any other for that matter, that could have kept us from finding each other.

The one that got away. I am sure that it can work for some. But for the most part, I would be hesitant to agree that it would likely work out. So, if you’re contemplating this very scenario… In fact, there are studies that confirm just that. Life happens. People change. And the likelihood that both parties mature at the same rate is unlikely. Again, not to say that it doesn’t happen. I just have personally never met a couple that have been successful in reuniting. And when I say reuniting, I don’t mean for a year or two. I mean going onto a long-term relationship.

Many will have feelings of the good times and the comfortability of an old flame. But it can be a trap. I think one would need to ask, if it were so good in the first place, why did it end? I know, I know. There are thousands of reasons why relationships end. But being a man who has spent the last 40 years reading people {as a counselor, coach, and therapist}, people more often grow apart, than together.

I remember years ago, an old girlfriend reached out to me. My wife and I had been together for maybe 8 years at that point. I immediately asked my wife if she minded that I emailed her back. {My wife is the most laid-back chick on the planet.} She said by all means. My email to her was short and to the point. I thanked her for her part in my life, and told her I was happily married. I wished her much love and success and that was it. Would that have been different if I had not been married? Probably not. I don’t stay stagnant. Personal development is a top priority in my life. In other words, keep up, or keep out. I don’t say that in a malicious way. I just value time, depth, and intention.

What about you. Agree or disagree? Do the studies have it wrong? Have you had a successful second chance that has lasted 7 years or longer? {I say seven, because 7 years seems to be the baseline across the board.} I know it happens. Just think it is more of a unicorn. Yes, when I was a younger man, I had gone back to a few old flames. And every time they went up in flames. Not to blame them. We just couldn’t get it right the first time. The second time was just more of the same.

Drop me a line in the comments. I am curious.