Thunder-Don’t

Exhausted. Putting in some long hours is the norm for me. But lately, it is both mentally and physically taxing as well. And that got me thinking. Wife and I have always had amazing communication. And some of our best exchanges, no words were uttered. By the end of the week, I know my patience is winding down. Just as when my wife enters into a high pain cycle {she is disabled}, I know not to take anything personally. It’s the gift of saying, “I know you’re not in top form, so here is some grace.” One of the many beautiful things that we entered into our marriage with.

Years ago there was a film called Thunderdome. And to cut to the chase, the definition of Thunderdome is a domed arena for steel caged jousting. I bring that up, because far too many people enter Thunderdome, knowing that nothing good comes from it. While I seldom do couples counseling anymore, I have witnessed countless couples reside there. Like it was their preferred communication style. Entering into the dome to discuss a problem. Forget Thunderdome. Opt for Thunder-Don’t.

Having the self awareness to know when you’re in the right head space to discuss important issues, will pay amazing dividends. Just as not pushing your partner to discuss, before they are ready too. Life can be a grind at times. Recognize that not everything needs immediate attention. Many times, it is our own insecurity or ego that demands attention. Enter Thunderdome. Yeah, fuck that noise.

My wife and I have never had an argument. I know, hard to believe. Over 20 years together and we’ve never had a fight. Maybe because we hooked up in our late 30’s. Maybe because we value each other. Both would be applicable. But I think the real reason is, we both crave peace. I spoke about being in top form earlier. We both understand that not everyone is going to be on, all the time. And I don’t want to speak for my wife, but I would move heaven and earth to bring her the peace, that she so desperately craves. Especially on days when she’s not feeling it.

I spent many years as a counselor. I would try and teach this one principle to the couples that I was working with. Fuck that happy wife happy life bullshit. More like her success is your success. Just as yours is hers. Same rings true for each others loss. Work as a team and move a mountain. Work alone, and move a few rocks. See what I am getting at?

So the next time you feel a storm coming. Sure, you can enter Thunderdome and not get wet. However, you run the risk of cutting someone you love in a deep and personal way. Or, you can choose Thunder-Don’t and get a little wet. Storms don’t last forever. And better to have a little discomfort, than to have to draw a sword against the person you love the most.