It’s a trap. It’s too new, and I don’t believe you. I think we all have been in a relationship at one point or another, where the other person continually lies. And then we hear things like,” I’ll never drink again, cheat again”, or my personal favorite, “I found God.” Come on now. I get being played when we’re younger. But as we mature, we have to get to that point of knowing words are the poorest form of communication. Actions, baby. That’s where it’s at.

Sometimes some very good people do some very shitty things. But we forgive them. Because their actions were very uncharacteristic, thus we move on. But it’s those people who repeat that same toxic behavior over and over again, that we need to place a pause on. Why? Forget about the why. Maybe examine why we’re letting someone make energy withdrawals in our lives. What part of us, feels that this is acceptable? At this stage of my life you’ll either be good for me, or I’ll be gone for you. And there won’t be a minute of sleep lost.

When I encounter one of these mother fuckers, this is how it unfolds. I say straight to their face, “I’ll support you. I’ll cheer for you. I’ll encourage you. But what I won’t do is let you live a lie in my life. We see “the trap” a lot on social media. I cheer for people. Not many do it better. But when someone makes the same declaration over and over again about bad behavior, it’s not an affirmation. It’s really to see who is going to bite… so they can replenish their pool.

Have you ever seen someone say that they are leaving FaceBook or Twitter? Yet, the very next day {not even 24 fucking hours later}, they are back at it, like you haven’t even noticed. That doesn’t make them a bad person. It simply tells me that they were hurting and needed some attention. But when they do it on a monthly basis…they’re setting the trap.”

Look, people are allowed to make mistakes. But, you have to decide how that looks and feels for you. Has your partner said that they will stop flirting online with another? Has a friend said that they will stop drinking but continue? Has someone suddenly found God, but continue to be cruel and offensive? What are you going to do? Give someone the keys to your emotional freedom? Think long and hard.

Over the past 36 years working in mental health, I have watched far too many people stay with someone who has no intention of changing. Please hear these words. You don’t owe anyone anything. If someone has helped you in the past, and now is holding that over your head, that wasn’t help. That was them doing business. Walk away from the score keepers. Run from those who habitually lie. Because this is some of the best “trap” work out there. And do not let anyone tell you that you are being judgmental. You are advocating for yourself. And that my friends, is the only way to get out of the trap.



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Vance Larson

I am a retired crisis counselor of 20 years, and have spent the last decade working as both a Life Coach and Hypnotherapist.